I spent a lot of money trying to impress women – this left me £18,000 in debt

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When 25-year-old Jacob Battersby met his girlfriend, he was determined to impress, spending a lot of money on luxury watches, expensive cars and luxury holidays.

‘I’ve been in three main relationships in my life and after each one, I was always in debt,’ says Jacob, a content creator from Manchester. Metro.

Growing up, he said money was tight. ‘Every transaction is recorded,’ he explains. “We didn’t go on crazy holidays abroad. It was very, very rigid.”

So when he had access to his own money, he started spending money – and it got worse when he was in a relationship.

At 17, he met his first girlfriend, and earned around £15,000 a year based on Amazon reviews. The relationship ended after six months, by which time she was £2,000 in debt — a dizzying amount for a teenager.

‘I thought I would have to spend money on expensive gifts that I couldn’t afford,’ she explained. ‘I bought him an Apple Watch, hid it inside a pair of Yeezys, and gave it to him for our first Christmas together. It cost over £1,000.’

His spending isn’t just focused on his romantic partners. ‘When I went to university, the first day I got my student card, I maxed out my overdraft and bought a dog,’ he said.

‘I am dizzy [with the] access to money, and no one can see what I buy.’

Jacob also loves cars, especially those featured in movies and TV. He previously owned replicas of Simon’s car from the Inbetweeners, and Lightning McQueen from Disney’s Cars. He also owns a small sailboat.

Her £2,000 debt after her first split only increased when she met a new partner. This time, it was £8,000.

‘During my second relationship I paid £2,000 for a trip to Iceland to celebrate his birthday. I probably earn around £18,000 a year as a bartender.‘

Jacob says his colleagues love his extravagant tastes and big spending, assuming he can afford it. And he was never open about his finances with them, citing the pressure society places on men to provide.

‘I want to earn more money than girls my age,’ she said. ‘I would always go the extra mile and complete the 60 hours. I think a lot of men do.’

When in a relationship, he can’t clearly think about his spending, so only when things break down does he take the opportunity to ‘reset’.

After their second split, he moved back in with his parents to pay off his £8,000 bill. He realized how ‘lucky’ he was to have that choice, but this triggered the overwhelming realization that he was ‘in trouble’.

Coming clean to his father sparked an argument, as Jacob admitted the pair were polar opposites when it came to finances, and said his father ‘hated everything I did with money.’

‘He always kept receipts for every penny he spent and his financial spreadsheets,’ says Jacob. “I understand the reason now, because my parents have a nice house and they have money for life.”

But that wasn’t enough to change Jacob’s shopping habits. Her last relationship ended in May, and that’s when a harsh reality hit her. In his words, he was ’25 years old, single and had over £18,000 in credit card debt and not much to show for it.’

Now, he is faced with the reality of paying it back. It’s a tough task that he says has left him feeling “low” especially because he’s “spent the last 12 months living like a superstar, going on vacation, and driving every car.”

He now had to ‘bring everything back to the minimum level’. ‘I lived a quiet life, something I wasn’t used to,’ he recalled.

But now, Jacob is doing his best to share his experiences online, hoping that others, especially young people, will learn from his mistakes. He also believes that there should be more education in schools about finance.

Regarding future relationships, he is now more financially stable. Working as a content creator, he earns around £80,000, but is worried he will ‘fall into the same trap’ again of overspending.

And she still hasn’t been able to shake off the gender norms she adhered to as a youth, telling women: ‘If you want a lifestyle where you don’t have to work, don’t settle for anyone who can’t afford to pay for it.’ He also warned men: ‘If you get into a relationship, you will most likely be in debt.’

However, Jacob added: ‘There’s always the argument that if you owe someone money, you probably shouldn’t owe that person money.’

Why do men still feel the need to provide financially in 2025?

A 2021 YouGov survey found that 52% of nearly 6,000 adults surveyed did not believe that men should pay for first dates, with 49% of men specifically agreeing with this (compared to 55% of women), while only a third (33%) said this view was outdated.

Psychologist Emma Kenny says the role of ‘man as provider’ is ‘ingrained in the psyche of many young men.’

He told Metro: ‘From childhood, boys are rewarded for demonstrating competence, independence, and financial intelligence, while girls are encouraged to cultivate relationships. Those early messages may seem subtle – a father joking that his son will need “a good job looking after his future wife,” or a mother praising her son for “paying off” at the toy checkout. They become part of a man’s internal operating system.

‘By the time he was dating in his twenties, money and masculinity were so closely fused that picking up the bill didn’t feel like a romantic act; it felt like proof that he was worthy of love.’

Add to that the economic climate that many young men are experiencing: watching their parents endure the crisis that occurred in 2008, then spending their growing years in a cost-of-living crisis and a dizzying rental market.

‘Financial security is becoming a scarce commodity, and scarcity increases the symbolic power of anything that signals stability. “For some young men, giving cash, even borrowing cash, feels like a fast track to the adult identity they long for but can’t yet afford,” says Emma.

Social media only adds fuel to the fire. ‘The platform rewards curated luxury snapshots: a surprise city break proposal, a Michelin-starred date night, a “boyfriend reveal” in front of a five-star resort,’ says Emma. ‘The algorithm doesn’t show a payout schedule; they showed me the champagne.’

Emma also added that traditional masculinity involves ’emotional illiteracy’.

‘Many men have never been taught to articulate care through words or vulnerability; instead, they don’t take real action, pay, reward, improve quality,’ he said.

As with many other issues, communication is key to dealing with this stress.

“When men are encouraged to talk openly about money, whether in friendship groups, therapy, or online forums, they begin to see that healthy relationships are co-productions, not solo performances,” says Emma.

‘Partners can help by changing generosity: praising thoughtfulness, effort, and emotional availability. And the next moment a young man reflexively reaches for his credit card, pausing to ask: “Would I still feel appreciated here if I split the bill?”.’

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