Jakarta, CNBC Indonesia – Tantrums are a common thing that happens to children. This condition is usually expressed in the form of loud crying, screaming, hitting, throwing things, pushing or biting.
When your child is having a tantrum, it can be difficult to control your own anger. According to Ray Levy, Ph.D., a Dallas-based clinical psychologist, tantrums is something that must be experienced in childhood.
“Young children, namely those between 1 and 4 years old, have not yet developed good problem-solving skills,” said Levy, as quoted from Parents.
If your child is having a tantrum, it is important for you to understand what is really happening and keep your emotions under control as much as possible.
Tantrums are an important developmental stage for children
Quote Parentstantrums, or temper tantrums, are emotional outbursts that occur due to anger or frustration. According to Dr. Levy, in essence, every tantrum is caused by one simple thing, namely when children don’t get what they want.
“For children between 1 and 2 years old, tantrums often stem from an attempt to communicate a need, for example more milk, a diaper change, a toy there, but the child does not have the language skills to do so,” says Dr. Levy.
For older toddlers, tantrums are more of a form of power struggle.
“By the time children are 3 or 4 years old, they have grown more independent. They are very aware of their needs and wants and want to emphasize them more,” explained Dr. Levy.
When your child reaches preschool age, they can use words to tell you what they need, but that doesn’t mean the child’s tantrums are over. They are still learning how to handle emotions, and minor disagreements can quickly escalate.
Keep in mind that tantrums are not a sign of bad parenting. In fact, tantrums are an important developmental stage for children.
“Tantrums help children learn to deal with their negative emotions,” says clinical psychologist Linda Rubinowitz, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, in Evanston, Illinois.
How to Handle Toddler Tantrums
 Photo: (Caleb Oquendo: https://www.pexels.com)Children’s Illustration. |
If your little one is screaming, kicking, screaming and you are starting to lose your temper, you may be wondering how to deal with tantrums. While there is no one sure-fire way to deal with this situation, most experts agree that there is a best way to deal with a tantrum
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), parents who react calmly and consistently to toddlers’ emotional outbursts will help their children understand their boundaries, which can help children feel more protected and in control.
Here are some tricks for dealing with tantrums according to Parents.com:
1. Address aggressive behavior immediately
If your child’s every tantrum involves hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing things, stop them immediately and remove them from the situation. Explain that even if they are angry or upset, hurting others or themselves is not okay.
Remain calm, but firm. When it comes to aggressive behavior, it is best to implement a zero-tolerance policy.
2. Don’t shout
Remember, your child will follow your directions in handling his anger. If you shout, they will match your volume because, deep down, they want to engage and connect with you.
If you have already raised your voice, apologize to your child.
“Mom/papa didn’t mean to yell at you. Mom/papa is sorry. That’s not the way mom/dad wanted to talk to you. Can you calm down?” for example.
3. Let your child be angry
According to Linda Pearson, RN, a family nurse practitioner, sometimes a child just needs to vent his anger. So just let it go when they have a tantrum.
“I really believe in this approach because it helps children learn how to vent emotions in a non-destructive way. They are able to express their feelings, calm down, and regain self-control – without having to scream,” he explained.
4. Use short commands
Tantrums can often be avoided with short, simple, and to-the-point commands. The more specific, the better. If your toddler is caught in a bad mood, give them a clear picture of what you want them to do.
5. Divert the child’s attention
“Kids have quite short attention spans and that means they are usually easily distracted,” says Dr. Levy.
If your child has a tantrum because they didn’t get something they wanted at the mall, try changing the subject and enthusiastically saying something like, “Hey, we like ice cream, right? Want to help mommy choose some ice cream?”
6. Hug your child
“This may feel like the last step you want to take when your child is having a tantrum, but a hug can really help them calm down. By that, I mean a big, warm hug, not a super cute hug,” says Dr. Levy.
Don’t say a word when you hug your little one. Hugs make children feel safe and cared for.
7. Change location
If your child throws a tantrum in public, pick him up and take him calmly to a safe place. Take them to the car or a public toilet, where they can let out their anger. Once you get there, explain your position gently, and remain calm. Sometimes just touching or stroking a child can calm him down.
8. Give early warning
Toddlers don’t like surprises. Next time try giving them advance notice of the activities you and your little one will be doing.
Tell them, “You can ride your bike two more times around the park, then we have to go home.” This gives them a sense of control.
9. Laugh
Public tantrums can be so challenging that some parents give in just to reduce the embarrassment, but this response only encourages the child to repeat the behavior.
“Children, even very young ones, are still intelligent,” says Alan E. Kazdin, Ph.D., a research professor and professor emeritus of child psychology and psychiatry at Yale University.
The best way is to smile, and pretend everything is fine.
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