What if video game locations had Internet reviews – Reader Features

Video game worlds may seem incredible, but if we actually lived in them and met their inhabitants, they would be absolutely terrifying if they happened in real life, as one reader illustrates.

I thought I would see firsthand what Internet reviews for video game locations and characters would look like if they were posted to TripAdvisor or Airbnb. I have omitted the game/character names. See if you can guess who/what they are related to. I’ll give the answer at the end.

1. ‘Maybe it’s my fault for visiting a town named after an animal known for eating trash, in any case, I won’t be visiting it again. The town is empty and lifeless and most of the shops are closed. The only shop open, the owner tried to bite me! I went to the local police station to file a complaint, and they didn’t seem to care, they just groaned and moved around aimlessly. And to make matters worse, a guy wearing a raincoat and fedora pushed me off the road! Avoid!’

2. ‘I had high expectations for this local family run plumbing service. My first impression was good; they arrived on time, wearing immaculate red and green uniforms. However, that’s where things went downhill. The taller and thinner brother was quite shy and quiet. However, the other brother was very loud, and no lies spread throughout the mushrooms I planted. He also insisted that his girlfriend was a princess and no, not a term of endearment, he meant a literal princess. However, he said his pet lizard continued to get in the way of their relationship. I don’t think I’ll use it again.’

3. ‘The magnificent house we rented for the weekend was beautiful and well maintained. The location is perfect. However, I’m sorry to say that the owners are less than ideal. He returns from his trip early and spends most of his time happily trapping his elderly butler in his refrigerator. Another time, he proudly showed off some modeling photos he took for men’s magazines in his youth. Also, I don’t want to make accusations but some of my jewelry is missing. Nice house, shame on the owner.’

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4. ‘The tree surgeon who came to cut down our tree was a little rough around the edges and physically imposing. However, once you get past his tough exterior, it’s clear that he’s a softie at heart and he spent time telling me about his travels in Greece and various Scandinavian countries. And the ax is impressive; it felled my tree in no time. My only criticism is that I wish she didn’t call me ‘boy’ so much.’

5. ‘Our visit to the city of the future was a truly mind-boggling experience. It may sound like I’m losing my mind, but I see people with blurry faces with no discernible features, people seemingly disappearing through walls, people standing still with their arms outstretched as if they were on an imaginary cross, men just walking around with their genitals exposed. Oh, and flying cars. Maybe in hindsight, I shouldn’t have taken that Diazepam before the flight.’

Answer:

1. Resident Evil series
2. Super Mario Bros. Series
3. Grave Raider Series
4. God of War
5. Cyberpunk 2077 (especially the cursed PlayStation 4 launch version)

By reader matc7884

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